Bring Back Double Features (and some others)

Bring back the double feature! Moviegoers pay good money to enter the hallowed halls of film, and we deserve a day at the cinema. Matinees, too, would be a welcome friend returned home, and doing it once in a while would be a nice gesture (and would make my year). Besides, I know enough people who would spend a day at the movies if places did it. Maybe once a month, or perhaps just letting people buy passes that allow for two movies. It wouldn’t waste too much money, and I know I’d spend more time at the theatre if it didn’t involve forking over ten buck a movie.

Item the second: please, leave your kids at home, at least during an R rated movie. I understand that people can’t always find a babysitter, but really, if you have to take your kids to the movies, don’t take them to something that will make them cry. It ruins movies for them, and for the people around you. Then, you come off as a careless jerk, and you waste everyone’s time. Maybe I’m being unfair; I’m not a parent yet. But if I’m wrong about this, then don’t worry, I’ll get my comeuppance when I do have kids someday. Until then, I reserve the right to think badly of you when you act like a moron and bring your two-year-old to rated-R movies.

List of 10 best movies (I’ve seen in theatres) in the last nine years

1. Hot Fuzz

2. Finding Neverland

3. Pan’s Labyrinth

4. The Wind that Shakes the Barley

5. Children of Men

6. Gosford Park

7. Clerks II

8. Walk the Line

9. Batman Begins

10. Lord of the Rings

Top Three Movies I Should Have Seen in Theatres

1. Good Night and Good Luck

2. Capote

3. An Inconvenient Truth

Kill Taste, Volumes I and II

I’m not a huge fan of Quentin Tarantino, and I’ve only seen maybe one and a half movies by Robert Rodriguez. Why did I go see “Grindhouse”? Two words: DOUBLE FEATURE.

And Hot Damn, was it ever worth it!

My friends and I walked into the theatre amazingly early (right when the movie was about to start). We sat near the front since our usual seats were taken up, and we made sure not to sit in front of anyone else. This movie-going-experience was all about movie watching—not the movie. I was ready for about three hours of revolting idiocy that would be punctuated with in-jokes and bad acting, none of which I’d really appreciate. The only zombie movie I’ve seen is “Shaun of the Dead”, and while I’ve watched plenty of Tarantino, I always come out of it feeling dirty.

By the time we left the theatre, my ears were ringing and I was exhilarated. Neither movie was very good, and I still don’t think that Tarantino is one of the best (despite what so many friends of mine say). But I know without a doubt that the man loves movies as much as I do, and I respect that.

Tarantino’s movie started off slow… really slow. In fact, halfway through it, I started wondering why people were saying it was the better of the two. By the end, I was pretty damn sure I knew why. It’s dead-slow pace picks up speed, and at the conclusion, I was ready to jump up and join the actresses in their… dance. You really need to see it to know what I mean. Either way, Kurt Russell seemed to be having a hell of a lot of fun, and his dead-on impression of another film great was half the fun of his performance—even if I’m pretty sure most of the audience didn’t catch it.

As for Rodriguez’s movie, it was slimier, grimier, dumber, and actually, way more fun. It could have been the explosions, the ridiculous blood spurts, or the shiny colors. Probably it was Freddy Rodriguez as a preposterous but peppy gunslinger, and the music. What failed miserably in “Brokeback Mountain” succeeded here; playing the same song over and over and over again. Sappy romances can’t handle something like that, but a movie with this much going on (and explosively awry) can take it, even with just one leg to stand on.

Not great, and if you don’t like zombie movies or slashers, don’t watch it. It’s very simple really, because the movies and the accompanying trailers are violent, offensive, and disgusting enough to turn off most sane people. But if those are your preferences (or if you’re a diehard Tarantino fan), really, don’t miss this.

I was right, really. The double feature was worth it. That, and when I left, I felt—well, good and dirty.

Warm, Fuzzy Dealings

I don’t know what you were planning to do tonight, but trust me, “Hot Fuzz” is way more fun.

Did you see “Shaun of the Dead”? Doesn’t matter. “Hot Fuzz” is probably the best movie I’ve seen in theatres since 2005, and that’s saying something. Each joke is carefully, lovingly laid out, and even when I saw it coming, I didn’t see it coming. I laughed so hard at some parts that my stomach started to hurt. Even when I wasn’t supposed to be laughing, the smile lasted long after the punchline had been delivered.

Simon Pegg plays the lead, “Nicholas Angel,” a cop who’s too good at what he does. He is sent to the country to mind a peaceful village so he no longer makes his London coworkers look bad. Angry, tense, but somewhat defeated, Nick heads to “Sandford” in order to take over as sergeant. Soon after his arrival, a death (or a few) occur, and it’s up to Nick Angel to find out what’s going on.

For those of you who’ve actually seen “Shaun of the Dead”, you’ll recognize Nick Frost returning as Pegg’s right hand man. The movie pushes them together in a manner less lazy than that of “Shaun,” but it feels more natural. Nick Frost plays “Danny,” but I’ll let you find out who he is in terms of the town. It’s part of the fun.

“Hot Fuzz” is about as silly as they come, but it’s also endearing without trying to be, and it entertains better than, well, anything else I’ve seen in recent memory. The acting was convincing, and while the leads made the movie, the side characters were necessary to the magic. Jim Broadbent (Gangs of New York, Brazil, Bridget Jones’ Diary) was solidly iffy as the Chief Inspector of Sandford. Paddy Considine (In America, so good) did a bang-up job of being an hilarious ass, and Timothy Dalton (Bond, James Bond) was smarmy personified as a local merchant. Really, everyone was fantastic, and the script was so good that it probably hid anyone who wasn’t.

The jokes start so early in this movie that you’ll have barely settled into your seat, and they don’t stop. Every time I wanted something to happen, it happened. Once, I hadn’t even realized how badly I needed that kick to the face to happen, but the makers of “Hot Fuzz” took care of it for me anyway. Never has murder been so funny, so riotous, and so delightfully un-subtle.

The best part about the movie was that it didn’t seem self-conscious and awkward. It was the ultimate buddy flick, and it didn’t seem uncomfortable with that. If I ever needed a way to say to my friends, “I love you guys”, taking them to this movie would be it. One scene in the movie takes place in a grocery store, and involves a comment about a freezer. The brief exchange that follows is one of the sweetest moments in a movie that I have ever witnessed, and I love Pegg and Frost for creating it.

There was a line I really loved, but I’ll have to wait to see it again (and remember a pen this time.) In the meantime, I’ll leave you with this thought: what do "He-Man", a sea mine, and the Harry Potter films’ "Argus Filch" have in common? To find out, watch “Hot Fuzz”!

I recommend it to anyone over the age of 17. ANYONE.