300 bottles of mead on the wall...

"300"

My friends have been "psyched" about seeing it for weeks. Ever since they saw the numbers, bloodspattered on the screen, for the first time, they've been aching to watch it. The trailers with men being crowded off a cliff and massive battles with big swords didn't hurt their anticipation. In fact, they couldn't wait to see the epic battle between Sparta and Persia. Funny, I thought to myself, they never seemed interested in history before.

"300" was like a history lesson on speed, souped up with leaping and explosions, naked women and half naked men. There are massive, distorted badguys, incredibly good looking good guys, and some drunk, naked teenage girl dancing and mumbling. Oh, what fun. It was as though someone took "Gladiator", "Sin City" and "the Matrix", mixed them all together, and added some half-assed philosophy.

Still, the crowd loved it. There was a retribution scene that had the audience clapping and cheering, a bunch of fakes, and battles that just seemed like oodles of fun. In fact, the movie was like watching a football game minus the football.

Despite the fact that the movie wasn't quite my cup of tea, it had some very good points. Lena Headey played a strong Queen Gorgo, and Gerard Butler played a powerful King Leonidas. Butler had an advantage over all but perhaps three of the cast (an emissary from the Persians, the tall, pretty god/king Xerxes, and someone else I'll get to in a moment)--he seemed like he was having fun. In fact, Butler seems like he was having a grand old time, enjoying the making of this silly, loud movie as much as my friends enjoyed watching it. He actually persuaded me to give a damn, and that's a tough job with a film like this.

Finally, there's the "someone else" I was going to get to, and that would be David Wenham, who looked like he was having a better time than anyone else on set. He narrated the tale with such gusto and emphatic interest that I had a hard time ignoring him while I was supposed to be watching the blood spray. He made it viewable, and the fact that he's actually a good actor (as opposed to the many, many narrators I've heard before) made it all the better.

Would I recommend this movie? Sure, to anyone who likes dumb fun and David Wenham. Otherwise, just make sure you're with a good crowd, a crowd that cares, and you'll be fine.

Best Quotation: "This is madness!"

"Madness? This. Is. SPARTA!"